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  • Justme

Positive vs. Negative

Updated: Jun 3, 2023

I was having a conversation with my husband this morning about positive people vs. negative people due to our polar differences in the way we think. I am bubbly, glass-half-full most of the time (we all have our days). He, on the other hand, generally veers towards a negative outlook until proven wrong.

While I can sometimes feel drained by his or anyones negativity, he can be just as drained by my positivity. We're a bit like a battery in the sense that we work best together and we tend to balance one another. Too much or too little positive or negative energy and the result is either a dead battery or a fried one.

My husband made a statement that he felt that people are automatically hardwired at birth to either be naturally positive and energetic vs having a more negative view. He asked me if I felt I had always been that way. I immediately laughed and answered “no.” What a silly idea to think it was in my genetics to be positive or negative! You choose your attitude dude! Smmmmh!

Then, my thought shifted...shhhh...could he be right?There are things that I feel have always been part of me that are maybe supporting some of his theory. Geeze, maybe I’m the nut.

I have always been an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which makes me a bit empathic to others and what they are experiencing and also feeling deeply and passionately about my own stuff. It was always in my nature, from the time I was very young, to nurture others to feel better while providing some relief to their emotions and also mine. A lot of that included me learning to look for positive in situations, listening, etc. The HSP is something that I feel I was born with - maybe my hubby had a point...dang I hate when that happens! 😳

As I thought even deeper about the question, I also realized that circumstances in my life had contributed to the generally positive outlook. My upbringing was by a mentor parent (my dad) who was generally making people laugh and feel better and a person who worked tirelessly without complaint. He took care of my intellectually disabled mom who (as part of her disability) is self-centered and ungrateful since she doesn’t process the same way. He took care of me, the house and the cars, and held a full-time job. Was I inherently positive watching him do all these things as a child? The answer I came up with was “no” but it certainly was a stepping stone.

As I got to be a teen, I actually had some anger in me in regard to my mom. Seemingly every other girl my age had a mom that did their hair, served as a role model, helped them with homework, and took them to the mall. Me? I had a mom that lied to my dad about me, blamed things on me, and didn’t process correctly. I counted for her while shopping and tried to help her read. My mom and I had regular screaming matches where my blood would boil as she exclaimed “I'm going to tell your dad!” Just to be clear, I was not a negative person but I was not seeing the silver lining either. I remember questioning my life on a few occasions. I also struggled with self image and an eating disorder at that time.

As time went on, I moved out and became independent. I had to work hard to go to community college and make rent. I struggled financially to make it work. At that point, something permanently shifted. I had become mature enough to realize how hard my parents had worked and what a gift that was. I realized my anger towards my mom was something she didn't mental capacity to control. It was something I could let make me envious of others or I could let it build my character. My positive outlook did not come overnight, not did the pain or anger fade easily.

I did and still have to work at positivity Every. Single. Day.

I've definitely seen and dealt with some not-so-easy things. I have had times when I felt so negative I could make the devil himself say “ what the hell is wrong with you!?”.

Maybe my husband is right that we are born with inherited traits that make us more prone to positivity or negativity. Maybe those things make the work and struggle much harder for an inherently negative person to get to a more positive place or for a positive person to take it down a notch when needed.

We are all different, unique and beautiful in our own way. We may have to adjust our positivity or negativity to communicate effectively and connect with others. However try to never fall to deep into the hole of negativity, and if you do, reach out for help. One off pity parties and bad days are human and necessary. At the end of the day though, I beg you to shed a bit more light than darkness if you can even if it takes hard work!

To quote Nightbirde “I am much more than the bad things that happen to me.”

Be willing to do the work for you, for your family, for your friends, and for those we can make a difference to.

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